For my active position after the events during which Belarusians expressed disagreement with the results of the 2020 presidential elections, I was detained three times: for eight days in August 2020, then for 15 in 2021, and another 15 in 2022. Despite the pressure and abuse from the security forces, I did not stop publicly expressing my protest, and eventually ended up in the pretrial detention center in the famous «Volodarka», where I spent four months. I was «sentenced» to three years of «house arrest»* under Article 342 of the Criminal Code (organization or participation in actions that grossly violate public order). But I could not remain silent and was forced to leave Belarus, since my «house arrest» would quickly end in prison.
«I probably just have a heightened sense of justice, so I participated in the protests until the very end and continue to do so now», I tell everyone who asks why I haven’t stopped. Each detention did not frighten me, but on the contrary, pushed me to continue protesting. I could not do otherwise. I collected signatures, wrote complaints, and went to marches.
My faith in Belarusians lasted until the very end (I even went out during the referendum in 2022), until there were almost no people left around me who had not been broken by terror. Then I withdrew into myself and felt like the last of the Mohicans – that’s what a GUBOPiK officer called me during my detention. After Bondarenko's murder, which for the first time in my life made me hate, I got dermatitis. Then the arrest, the pogrom in the apartment, the robbery, the torture and four months at «Volodarka», where I saw so much pain and injustice that hatred began to consume me.
Then there was a swim across an icy river, although I had never swum a such big river. This was my fear from childhood… And another breakdown. But I made it to Lithuania. Then a month in a camp, winter without heating, working for 12-14 hours without lunch or days off. This is how I hid from thoughts and pain. Later, my father died. I could not say goodbye to him. There was so much pain that I ended up in a psychiatric hospital three times, where I am now.
Soon there will be two years of psychotherapy and treatment, and I feel like I am returning to life. I even thought that I was broken, but it is not. Every week I work with a psychotherapist, attend a psychological group, and have started taking journalism courses because I want to try myself in the profession that I once gave up, not wanting to face persecution. I am learning foreign languages because without them, I cannot integrate and adapt.
I am asking for help because now it is difficult for me to work and communicate with people in general, but therapy helps, and soon I will restore my psychological state. I need your support to get back on my feet and continue to benefit Belarus. I also promised myself that I would write a book about how the fight against the regime turned into a fight with myself. I am sure that it will help not only me, but others as well.
*«Home chemistry» is a type of punishment in which the convicted person remains free, but with restrictions. The convicted person has a schedule for both work and personal matters, including going to the store or taking out the trash. Police officers can come for an inspection every day and at any time.
How much is needed?
€3000
€1380 – rent for 3 months
€1200 – food for 3 months
€420 – household needs and essentials, travel expenses